Turning the page
by Caprica Janeway
Summary: With the divorce now finalized Sharon is left to contemplate what Jack has left behind. (Sharon/Andy). Special thanks to Ilona for the encouragement :)


Three suits, a razor kit and a photo album. That was everything in her condo that had contained an element of Jackson Raydor. He had collected the suits and the razor kit the previous day. They were haphazardly thrown in a worn brown overnight bag she had seen many times over the years. She waited for him to say something but he just looked up at her wide-eyed, rubbing his brow. Maybe she thought he wanted her to speak first but she never did until they reached the door. He looked in his bag once more and nodded his head.

"Well I guess that's it" he said as zipped up the bag.

"I guess so"

"All those years then, gone and that's all you have to say?"

She pursed her lips and wrapped her arms around her chest.

"Anything I've said to you I've said before. In arguments, late phone conversations, the hearing. What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know Sharon, maybe that you at least wished things could have been different, that you feel something, anything about the end of all this."

"You don't get the luxury of my feelings Jack. If I feel anything about this you are the last person I would share that with"

"It's a good thing you don't feel anything then" he reached out a hand and gently held her chin. She was so momentarily stunned by what he said that it took her a while to break off contact but when she realized what was happening she stepped back from his grasp.

"Goodbye Sharon"

"Goodbye Jackson".

It was the photo album that kept her checking her drawer this morning. It had pictures of her children, her sister and various aunts and uncles, he was also in there as well. There was a family BBQ when Emily was still a baby, a camping trip a few months before they got married and of course wedding pictures. He had been so different then, a mess of wild hair, trim but well-muscled and he had loved the outdoors. The hiking, canoeing, swimming in the lake, he had been so full of life and enthusiasm that she could barely equate the Jack that was, with the the Jack she knew now. She had spent years mourning the loss of that man and now she looked at all these pictures and began to question whether any of it had been real at all.

"Captain?"

Closing the drawer she turned to see Lt. Flynn standing at her door cautiously waiting to see if he'd be allowed to enter.

"Sorry Sharon I didn't think you heard me knock. I can come back another time"

"No no it's fine, I've finished what I was looking at. Come in"

Andy maneuvered the door open with his back as he carefully carried two tea cups into her office.

Sharon raised an eyebrow at his movements and wondered briefly whether she should get up and help him, but before she could go anywhere he had placed the tea cups on her desk.

"What's all this?" She peered over the tea cups trying to decipher their contents.

"It's almost ten past ten and you hadn't come to the break room for your usual cup of Jasmine so I thought I'd bring it to you instead"

Sharon checked the time on her phone and frowned not realizing how distracted she had been that she hadn't realized she missed her usual tea break.

"Thank you Andy, that's very thoughtful"

Andy took a sip of his own tea and watched Sharon rearrange the papers on her desk in a vain attempt to get organised.

"Need any help?"

"No it's fine, ah so what did you need?"

"I just wanted to let you know that Provenza and Sykes are going to interview the victim's parents and Tao is going through the list of phone numbers we received..."

While Sharon was sorting her papers she was also not looking at them carefully and began dropping a few from her stack.

"...also I think Sanchez and Rusty are rearranging all the food in the fridge so it's in alphabetical order..."

"Well I'm glad he's keeping busy, wait...what?" she looked up at her Lieutenant, staring at him as if a bird had landed on his head and was starting to build a small colony in his hair.

Andy was pressing down on his bottom lip trying not to smile too much at her uncharacteristic behaviour and then thinking better of it leaned in and took a closer look at her.

"Is something wrong Sharon? You forgot your tea and you've been hulled up in your office all morning. It's not like you to not check up on things when we're in the middle of a case".

Sharon placed the remaining papers down and threaded her hands together while taking a deep breath, she looked over at Andy whose brow was furrowed and his eyes unmoving, waiting for her to speak.

"It's official, I'm divorced and Jackson collected the last of his meager belongings yesterday. That is except for..."

"Except for?"

Sharon opened the drawer momentarily wondering if it's previous tenant had some how magically replaced her album with a chocolate bar so she wouldn't have to look at it again. Sighing however she saw the offending item and lifted it from the drawer and placed it in front of Andy.

"Except for this photo album, which he no doubt forgot I had and doesn't care about any way. I mean apart from the pictures of the kids and my family I don't know why I should even keep the thing. I'm sorry you don't need to hear all this. I don't know why I'm..."

"Sharon it's ok, really. Considering all the family business I've dragged you into it's only fair that I..."

He was trying to think of what to say but was failing miserably. He had seen her look sad before about a case or a problem with Rusty but this was different, she looked empty. It was almost as if the ground had been removed from her feet and she had to rediscover gravity again. There was no strong foothold for her and she seemed at a distance.

"...would you mind if I take a look?" He didn't know why he said it and hoped that she didn't take his curiosity at the photo album as him being dismissive of her feelings or nosey. When he looked at her again she didn't seem annoyed or angry, just surprised.

"Sure, I do have to warn you though, some of these pictures were taken in the 80s and to this day I still feel the need to apologize to my hair for the copious amounts of hairspray it had to endure". She slowly pushed the album across to Andy who cautiously took it with both hands.

"If it makes you feel any better, there was a period in 86 where I came very close to a MacGyver style mullet". He looked up at her and noticed she was trying to suppress a grin beneath the hand that was now cradling her chin.

Looking down at the album he had passed her he noticed the cover was well worn leather that had one time been embossed with what looked like a large tree. After years of hands holding the album or possibly other heavy objects weighing against it the tree had lost its detail and now resembled a large rectangular indent framed by several tiny marks that must have once looked like leaves. Moving his thumb and forefinger along the cover he careful opened the album to the first page. The paper title page simply read "The Raydors" and was statically clinging to the photo section beneath it and while Andy turned the page carefully it still made a ripping noise that made Sharon pop her head up in concern. He met her eyes briefly, he couldn't work out if she was nervous about him seeing the album or accidentally breaking it in the process. Any anxiety he had about viewing the album went away when he saw the first picture. He felt his smile widen on its own accord and his eyes were enrapt by the vision before them.

She was a young woman, no more than nineteen. Her hair the same dark auburn that fell almost to her waist in long thick strands seemed slightly bronzed possibly by the aging of the Polaroid. The young woman was distinctly Sharon, that smile was a dead giveaway. Along with those legs, that hair and those blazing green eyes there was no denying the fundamental physical attributes of one Sharon Raydor.

In the picture she wore denim shorts and a red shirt with obnoxiously large white flowers. It didn't seem like something she would wear now but something a kid would buy that they knew was a little bit silly but loved all the same. He imagined her seeing it in a store and laughing at it in a bashful manner, watching her amusement turn to wonder and seeing her recollect how it reminded her of her aunt's atrocious wallpaper or a shirt her Dad once wore as a joke. Then buying it and wearing it in times where she allowed herself moments of uncensored happiness like playing in the sun at a backyard party, lazy Sundays listening to the radio, or clutching the arm of a man she deliriously loved. And there he was, the man she was clutched to, though younger and trimmer the sly grin on his face was distinctly Jackson Raydor. While she was completely enamored with him, he was gripping her hand tightly but looking directly at the camera. While Jack posed, Sharon didn't even acknowledge the camera, she only saw him. Andy turned the page, there was thankfully no ripping noise this time, only a creaking noise that came from the ringed metal binder. The album had seen better days, it was old and must have been opened a lot at one time but the sounds the binder gave away indicated those days of reminiscing had long passed.

The next couple of pages were more of Sharon and Jack along with a picture of an older couple he assumed were Sharon's parents. There were a few more pictures of people he didn't recognize and then there was one of Sharon as a young cadet that Andy couldn't help but smile at.

"Class of 81? Looks like I missed you by a few years, I can't tell if you're excited or nervous as hell"

"Oh I assure you I was both. I honestly thought this would just be a temporary job until Jack finished law school but, well you know how that went"

"Do you regret it? The missed opportunity that is? I mean I can imagine you as a lawyer but I don't know if I would have liked you as much"

Sharon almost choked on the tea she was sipping and smiled back at her lieutenant.

"No I don't regret it. Maybe Jack showed me a side of the law I didn't like, but I like being where the process begins, working directly with people and seeing the process to its end. Most of the time it's satisfying and if I didn't choose the path I did I probably wouldn't have my children and I can't imagine a life without them"

"Speaking of..." Andy turned the page to another picture of Sharon reading to her very young daughter. The girl would be no more than fifteen months and was excitedly clapping her hands as her mother read her 'The very hungry caterpillar'.

"...my son loved that book. That and the story about the woman who swallowed the fly. I don't know what it was that fascinated him so much about characters who ate too much"

"Oh did he like Hansel and Gretel? When I was a little kid I used to dream about that house made of candy. I once convinced mum to make me a small gingerbread house cake for my birthday. It was so pretty I almost didn't eat it"

"Almost?"

"It's gingerbread, I can't say no to that" she laughed.

He smiled at her, it was so good to see her laugh like that. He was glad Jack hadn't come back for the album, there were happy memories here amongst the uncomfortable ones and she needed to have a chance to accept them both before making any decisions about their fate.

As he turned to the next page he started to see the beginnings of a picture maybe she wasn't ready to look at just yet. He was trying to contemplate whether he should complete the page turn or not. Surely Sharon knew what the next page would include, that she would know why he was hesitating but when he looked at her he just saw a couple of raised eyebrows leaning towards him in anticipation.

"How's the tea?" He asked instead.

"Good, good, just how I like it. I guess you're up to my wedding pictures then"

Sharon picked up her tea and endeavored to hide her uncomfortableness behind the tea cup while she took a big sip.

"Yeah. Is this the page you're afraid of turning?"

Her eyes shot up and she immediately went to take in a large gulp of air. Maybe this was fear, she thought. She had only allowed herself to look at the first few pictures of her and Jack but she knew that somewhere within the album were her wedding pictures.

"I don't know if I'm afraid but I'm reluctant and I'm not sure why"

"Maybe it's too soon" he offered.

"No, it's not the timing, I guess maybe it's time itself. There is such a finality to signing those papers. A clear distinction of where one life has ended and another is supposed to begin. I've been living in a world of in between for so long that I'm not sure that I can get used to the clock ticking again. Does that make sense?"

"I get it but here's the thing, forget Jack for a minute and consider what you have right now. Your life has grown and developed in those in between years, your kids grew up, your transfer and then there's Rusty. I'm assuming, and feel free to shut me up, that it's just the romantic side of your life that's remained in limbo? I mean you did say you weren't dating and I just assumed..."

"It's ok Andy, I understand what you're trying to say..." she tilted her head and blinked, pressing her bottom lip in to smile.

"...but it's not just the label of husband that is disappearing, it's the excuse of husband that has gone as well. I think part of me liked the idea of being married more than the reality of it and some of these pictures are starting to shatter my illusions".

"You know Sharon reality isn't too bad either. You have three children who adore you, a fulfilling career, plenty of opportunities to do things you want. Didn't you mention wanting to go to the theatre more often now that the trial is over? You're also humbly unaware of how important you are to the people around you. You are the most genuine and charitable person I've ever met, sharp as tack and every now and again you do this thing when you smile..."

"Thing?"

It was hard to look at her after saying all that but he felt it was important to maintain that eye contact and let her know that everything he said he truly meant. Her eyes were a little wider than usual and they seemed to form the beginnings of the very same smile he was referring to.

"...when you see Rusty smiling, when you laugh at something stupid one of us has said, when you get excited about making a break in a case and when you take the first whiff of your tea at ten every morning your eyes get wider and your cheeks flush and your whole face lights up. I guess you'd have to see it from our perspective but you just glow, and any person who happens to be looking at you at that moment just can't turn away. You're right here Sharon. You're not a photograph, you're here right now. You were never on pause while you figured things out with Jack".

It's not everyday that someone catalogs your life like that and she wasn't expecting so much reassurance, so much insight from Andy of all people. Yes he had become closer to her recently, she had helped him mend some fences with his children and he had listened to her hopes for Rusty's future. They had also been out to a few dinners and she had even let him in on a secret hobby of her's and took him to her Archery club. He had always known she was a good shot since her now famous encounter with the bean bag gun, but now he knew her preferred weapon was an archer's bow and arrow.

She considered his words carefully, how he spoke of her life not in the narrow state of limbo as she had perceived it, but as something that had evolved in spite of her indecision and in many ways had flourished.

She was caught between wanting to thank him and still struggling to comprehend how he had observed her so thoroughly and come to know her so well.

"Maybe you need to start adding more pictures to the album? Something to remind you how far you've come"

She looked at the album again and it never occurred to her to add any pictures to it. With most of her pictures staying on her phone or computer, continuing with the album was simply a thought she hadn't entertained.

"I...I think that's a lovely idea Andy. Amy gave me some pictures she took from Rusty's party that I have been meaning to print out and frame, maybe I can add some here too".

Sharon opened her computer and shuffled through her folders till she found the pictures folder.

"Here they are"

Turning the MacBook around she showed Andy a group picture of Rusty and the team with Jonny Worth.

"See there's that smile I was referring to"

Sharon took a closer look at the image. She was standing next to Rusty and it looked as if the moment had been snapped just as he was laughing at Provenza who was making some bizarre motion with his hands. She couldn't recall what it related to but he seemed to be impersonating someone, possibly her now that she thought about it. Her expression was one of delightful amusement so she couldn't have been too upset at whatever Provenza was doing as she seemed to be completely enamored with Rusty's laughter. He was right she was happy but she wasn't the only one. To her left in the picture was Andy, watching her, watching Rusty. He seemed to have a similar expression to her own but tinged with a hint of reflection. It was like he was trying to study the moment rather than let it engulf him. She looked away from the photo for a moment and strategically looked over at Andy. Much like the photo, he was now enamored with the image as she had been with Rusty and she found herself cautiously smiling at him but also studying him at a distance. She didn't want to linger on his face too long but there was something there she needed to figure out.

"How do you know so much? About me I mean?" She hadn't meant for it to sound so accusatory at first so she attempted to soften her words by tilting her head to the side and resting her chin in her hand.

"...the observations about me, my life and Jackson, not to mention when I have my tea and how I like it".

The momentary panic Andy felt at her initial tone was suspended when she asked about the tea. He tried not to grin at her like a kid caught stealing candy but that expression of his seemed to be a reoccurring element to many of their encounters that it happened regardless of his intentions. He stood up from his seat and looked at the amused green eyes waiting patiently for a response.

"I'm a detective, finding out things is what I do"

She cracked and was now pressing down her lower lip, vainly trying to suppress the 100 watt smile she felt forcing its way across her face. Standing, she looked down in an effort to restore her composure and closed the lid of her computer and stepped out from her desk to Andy's side.

"Oh so that's what you do here" she looked up at him as his eyes followed her up turned grin.

"Captain you do realise the job of sarcastic smart mouth in this office is already taken"

She dipped her head briefly, relenting that the reign of sarcastic smart mouth was still well and truly his, even as she contemplated pointing out how Rusty was making a concerted effort to reach the same title.

"It occurs to me that Friday night is steadily creeping up on us. I keep thinking that maybe I should actually try and be more social and maybe go out for dinner and see a show. Seeing as you're such an accomplished detective do you have any insights into anyone who would be interested in accompanying me?"

His eyebrows betrayed him. Raising on their own laurels he found his surprise terribly hard to disguise. The game had changed and suddenly but hardly surprising when he considered it more closely, she had taken the reins.

"Well, I guess I know someone"

"Someone?"

"Yeah, not much of a theatre expert I'm afraid but better than Provenza"

She tipped of her head in acknowledgement of his little reference to an earlier invitation. Only this time it seemed it was her making the request.

"Well then, please tell this person I will pick them up at seven. We will have dinner first to make up for such late notice..."

"I'm sure it's no trouble"

"...and let them know that I.." Hesitating she bit her bottom lip slightly, looking away then back up to Andy with her eyes slightly devilish.

"...let them know I will be wearing a dark purple dress and would consider it only fitting that we matched"

It was his turn to turn on the 100 watt smile. Grinning unabashedly at a long running joke they had been playing on Provenza by frequently coming to work dressed in the same colours.

"I'll be sure to let them know Captain" he replied as he took his tea cup and headed towards the door.

Seeing that he was on his way out Sharon returned to her place behind the desk.

"Oh and Lieutenant..."

Holding the door handle he looked back at her.

"...thank you for the tea, and your time. I need you to know it's appreciated, that you are appreciated"

He wanted to say something, he started to open his mouth but he had a bad feeling it was going to be one of those moments where he'd get a few words out but none of them would come together in any semblance of order. So instead he just tipped his head in acknowledgment and began to open the door. He had to a lot to think about but most importantly he had to try and remember where he left his purple tie.


End file.
